It is called a movie. I do not want to call it a horror movie, since it's not scary. I do not want to call it a splatter since it's not. It's not a psychological thriller either.
Before I say the name of the movie, you must promise me you will not watch it unless you are 100% sure you want to feel bad for the rest week.
If you don't know me you might think I'm just a wussy. I'm not. I enjoy scary movies and a bit (or a lot) of blood is not a problem for me. This movie does not contain bloody scenes (obviously some, but it is not the blood or violence that makes it disgusting), at least not to the point I could watch it.
Beware since from now on, there will be spoilers and spoilers only. At least to the point I got watching this film. Which was more than enough.
The movie stars boring, full of clichés that annoyed me. A man got kidnapped while he was taking a shit (well, not this part. I was disgusted at this point since I had read a bit about the plot, nevertheless I thought I could take it).
Then they show these girls who are going for a road trip. They are young and stupid (in my opinion). They get lost in the middle of nowhere (cliché #1) in the middle of the night (#2) and they get a flat tire (#3). Yes, I am going to count the clichés just to show you how even ridiculous starts can lead to a sick movie. Then they wait in the car and a man appears. He doesn't speak English so he speaks whatever gibberish (didn't really care, probably... German? Hungarian?) and it turns out he just wanted to fuck those girls. Move on.
The girls decide to go look for help (#4). They find a house (#5) and they get excited and they think they're gonna get saved (#6). They ring the bell and a creepy man opens but they think he will help them (#7)! The man tricks the girls to drink drugged water (#8) and one is strong enough to try to escape (#9). The man gets hold of the girl easily and gives her some tranquilizer.
The girls wake up tied in a medical bed and they start screaming. Blah blah. The crazy man kills the man he captured taking a shit just because the crazy man thinks he doesn't fit the picture.
He replaces him with a Chinese/Japanese guy.
Now, this is where the most gross, disgusting, foul and GROSS part starts.
Why, now, when he's actually captured them all? Does one of them escape and a scary hide and seek game start? Well yes (#10, let's stop here). But that happens after the most gross part (at least to the point I watched it).
The crazy man tells he's a renowned surgeon specialized in separating conjoined twins. However his biggest dream is to create something new.
Again, at this point I advise to either just click the red cross to get away or... well, if you read till now you probably want to know.
He has had three Rottweilers which he conjoined to form "a dog" with one joined digesting system.
I'm suffering by just writing this. Terrible. Disgusting.
They did not survive. So now, this crazy son of a bitch fucking crazy bastard (excuse my language) wants to try it on humans, make "The Human Centipede".
He explains with extreme details how he is going to succeed in this. I do not want to tell how he's planning to do this, since it would break every bit of consumer protection.
I can say it involves the two channels of the digesting system.
Just........ don't watch it. Do NOT. Do NOT!! I warned you. DO NOT!!
And if you do, please don't tell me how it ended. I got to the part where the girl escaped from the pool and stands in front of the broken window. Had to stop there, I didn't want to see her get caught and performed some inhuman surgery on her.
This is a terrible blog. If you read this.. I'm sorry, I just had to let this out.
How did I learn about this movie? I saw a "make up tutorial" in which a girl explains how to look like one of the protagonists.
I did not understand what she was talking about but found it funny nevertheless. So I went and looked up the movie.
I wish I hadn't.
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