Pride

Allo. It's been a while and, to not break the chain, I'll continue with the previous subject. The seven deadly sins, this time starring Pride. The first example would be how I refuse to stop the subject until I've finished it. Even if it meant apologizing (which I don't directly do) for being late.

Since pride is about yourself, there's nothing better to do than be proud of what's happened to me. A lot of things have changed yet a lot stayed the same.
I've visited my friend in Romania, which, her being an Internet friend, was a bit weird for many people. For me it was fun. What a better way to cleanse your head from old habits and people than going somewhere completely new? It wasn't easy: it's always difficult to penetrate a culture the language of which you don't know. English makes it easier but definitely not that easy. We had fun, quarreled quite many times but remain friends (as far as I know).
Pride is also about boasting with your achievements or future events. I'm going to New York for the New Year (NY for the NY!). I thought I'd be really really excited since visiting The US has been one of my biggest dreams. So far I feel nothing special but it could be the circumstances changed that is causing this. Like I said, everything has changed and just thinking about past NY's make me long to stay. But I know I won't regret the trip: it is going to be different and amazing. My friend's there as an au pair (Miss B) and I hope she likes my visit. I also can't wait to see Central Park, Liberty Island and perhaps a musical on Broadway!

Pride is about not knowing you've been defeated.
Somehow totally different is when you've been defeated and yet you rise again. This happened, kind of, to me. However putting it this way makes it as prideful as ever. Way to go.
For those who still ponder yet are not sure, I've found someone really nice who treats me right (oh, starts to sound like a song, right?). This has been most likely the biggest change. I'd prefer not to talk about it since everything I say can and will be used against me! And just saying that will raise a lot of questions that I won't be able to answer simply cause I don't know the answer. Mmm. How much I'd love to write everything that's going through my head but I simply can't (cause I already gave the link, bwahaha).

Pride is throwing cash around just cause.. you can.
After I turned 18 I've been roaming headlessly at bars. Didn't matter which one, I was up for it. It wasn't out of the question that I wasted over 20 euros per trip since drinks can get a bit expensive. Buying drinks to your friends can get a bit expensive. I always thanked whatever God is in charge of pulling my strings that I got a job the year I got into my adulthood; I can not imagine how all this would've been possible with a student's budget. Long uninteresting story short: too much money wasted nothing much accomplished. That's the story of my life.

Pride doesn't acquiesce to what it is, it always wants what it could be.
I redid my Finnish matriculation exam since I found it lower than my real level is. I got the grade up a notch and even though my goal was to aim for the best that sufficed. I actually thought it went really bad.

Pride is taking the magazine with you. You know you won't have time to read it but you can't let anyone else read it before you.

Pride is collecting memories. If they were good enough just living through them would suffice.

Pride is putting time restrictions for everyone else's users on the computer. The computer is MINE. MINE MINE MINE. Why would anyone else need to use it?

Pride is defending your favorite band. None really cares but it is my opinion and it hurts if you disagree.

Pride is bashing someone's favorite band. I don't understand why they like that band and I definitely don't get the music. That means it sucks.

Pride is thinking someone must not hear something. After all, it would only hurt their feelings. I know best.

Pride is outsourcing your problems. Why would I have flaws?

Pride is choosing the best picture. And then I wonder why people call me cute.

Pride is not buying presents to anyone. That way I can say I don't buy them for anyone.

It was fun coming up with those. I like being practical so why try to go complicated. Since it's holiday season, I must wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I don't really like Christmas cause of the present hustle but I do enjoy a good new year. It's always an opportunity. To get older, to get wiser, to get more experienced. Mostly I just shrink smaller, think younger and do stupid things that are irrelevant to experience. But it's my life and I enjoy it. Enjoy yours!

"Hohohoo, where are all the kind kids" - Santa Claus

Sloth

Sloth is the easiest of the sins and also the most dangerous. See what happens when it takes over?
Sometimes we disguise sloth as being in a hurry so we can say "I'm so tired after all that, so I'll skip that tonight."

In fact, sloth is nice. Or just lazy.

Sorry for the short entry, but I think it pretty much gives the image of sloth as well as the timeframe between this and my last post.
I was going to make this a wonderful post but when I got home I got some really bad news. Maybe I'll talk about them later maybe I won't, just know that.

Lust

It's late but I want myself to write this series more or less in time and that won't be possible if I start slacking off on the first day (more about slacking off later on)!

Our first sin shall be lust. As a bit of background I'll tell you how Lust on Fullmetal Alchemist was.
The homunculus was female, a beautiful, well-shaped female. She was called the 'Ultimate spear' since she could extend her nails most likely as long as she saw necessary and the nails could pierce through basically anything. She was the most shown until her death, taking care of the... let's say publicity.
In my opinion it's hard to personificate lust but it was alright-ely done. A fleshy woman with long nails, how else could lust be pictured? Nails have always been some kind of women-like symbol and by taking it up a notch and making them practically infinite it captures the idea. The nails weren't red though, they were black, so that's the only thing that didn't really match up; red would be the color of lust even thought on the other hand it could be the color of love, which doesn't really compare to lust. Lust would also be really hard to be made into actions in such a series that FMA was yet it was possible to notice in small things as in her emotes and the way that she stood and presented herself.

The way I see it, lust would be the smallest and by smallest I mean the less dangerous of all the 7 sins. It might sound like an ultimate spear would be kind of dangerous but I'm talking about real feelings now. There might be some crimes, severe ones as in rapes and murders made by lust, but their amount could be seen as marginal compared with the other sins.
Lust is also easily controlled. You can most of the time think rationally and avoid awkward situations, just like that. Of course there are exceptions and mostly it is about the weakness of the person and not the power of the sin.

Lust can be seen in many ways: it can be straight-into-the-point thoughts of sex but it can be seen as loving too much or too many, as well.
In the latter case there might be more problems than in the former since it would be affecting directly your life. As stated before, thoughts can be controlled, but the sensation of 'love' is a bit more difficult to harness. There was this one episode of Supernatural that sums it up pretty well. There was a siren luring men into doing terrible things by just making them fall utterly and completely in love. Therefore, they would kill their wives even though happily married and their mothers even though they had the most wonderful relationship. Just because they were so in love and the siren asked for it. In the end it was explained as poison that was transmitted through the siren's saliva but again, the point was clear. They were in too in love. Was it more than lust what they felt? Can a person willing to do anything for someone really be in love? Actually, it could also be seen as greed but we'll focus on the lust part for now. Most of the time the victims were found in strip bars. Doing what? Fulfilling their lusty needs. Could there have been a more ironical way of screwing up their lives than by killing the ones they loved the most for the ones they lusted the most for? Really. Thank God that's not possible in real life.

Another side of lust. Business. Everything is sold with sex nowdays. Not a single commercial (mostly) has an ugly person on it. It's kinda stupidly said, but it's true. Of course they'll try to find the good-looking people (according to masses and the prerequisites set by the media) and strip them near naked. It works for perfume and clothing, it works for food and toothpaste (why do they have to was their teeth shirtless/in a bra? Cause that's how we wake up, right?). Some people even make a career out of lust. Reality 'stars' hang out naked and flash a tit or two and the ratings skyrocket. It's ridiculous what a grip it has on us. Great political careers go to waste just because the man (it's always the man, right? and who's to blame, let's go back to that in a bit) decided to get a whore to give him the pleasure he needed. It's not always that way either since it can be the married secretary who's banging the big CEO nextdoor. Like in everything, opportunity makes the thief. Let's not even mention (oh we're going to anyway) the porn industry, blooming out of people's lust. Stripclubs, clubs in general, even bars are all about lusting. No one thinks of finding their dream partner on the dance floor, I've talked with this about many friends and they all seem to think the same. It's not impossible but it is highly unlikely. Everyone wants to just let it loose and relax with high volume music and sexy dance moves. We all realize and (most of us) understand it.

If we think about it the biological way it is obvious for us to need lust. How else would we reproduce and make more of ourselves? I believe in the end it was just a matter of evolution to convert lust into something sophisticated, beautiful and unbelievably strong as love is. What other animal knows how to love, love selfishly? They are driven by the survival instinct and for them to survive and their species to keep living they need to make babies. The most lust they have the more little ones they'll have hence giving a better prediction. Love was made not to only make us feel even more empowered by lust than we already are but also to bind us into just one another individual. Whether that was nature's way of trying to slow down the speed of us shagging or if it was just an unfortunate side-effect, that's for everyone to figure out themselves. I just see it as a way to control us. The whole love makes us way more intelligent than any other animal. It makes us capable of doing things by listening to our hearts and not just instincts. Before intelligence there was love, so we could say geniuses were born by love.

Now, why did the church declare one of our basic needs a sin? A deadly sin? For the reasons up above. We are capable of something much better so it was logical to try to completely forbid, scare out, the leftovers of our savage selves. It was a way to perfect the human being from primitive scraps. It was most likely done in the renaissance age when people tried their best to be sophisticated, filled with culture and chastity.
If we look it the other way it was a way for the church to manipulate people. God wanted for a man and a woman to love each other forever. Till death them apart. How much easier it would have been for the church as well as the governments to have this nuclear family ideal? No more fights about parenthood since a child born would have been a child planned. The supervision of the families would also have been so much easier.
The third option is obvious. The church wanted to strip off people from it, forbid it, staking their passage to paradise. Why, you ask? Quiet people are less troublesome. I heard from someone that the whole church concept was generated to make people wish for an ascetic lifestyle. Sooo much cheaper than the previous strategy: giving people whatever they wanted. Think about it. How convenient for them to prohibit everything that would cause trouble by making people think they wouldn't get into some better, perfect place after they die. Who wouldn't want to live after dying?

With this I conclude this essay, I have to call it that since it became so in-depth I believe most of my readers won't probably even read it throughout-ly. If anyone did, I hope they at least enjoyed it and I hope it raised some kind of thoughts since that's what I always aim for. Like I like to say, quiet people dumb people (not to be taken [too] seriously).
It would be so cool to continue with greed, but next time you'll see this it'll be all about gluttony! Omnomnom I can't wait to get there! I actually enjoyed pouring all my thoughts into this.

Byebye.



Dear lord that video just gave me so much more to talk about! Just listen to the lyrics while watching the video. So contradicting. She sings about justifying her love that means she isn't believing in love at all. She needs a reason for all that to be happening, for the sex to be meaningful, for it to be love. But what she doesn't realize in the whole song that love doesn't need justifying. Love is pure and abundant; if it's there it'll be there. You can't justify, force or in any other way make it (unless you mean making love, which is different!).

 "What are you gonna do? // Talk to me -- tell me your dreams // Am I in there?" 

So much insecurity. She has all the lust she wants but she isn't sure if it's what she needs. On the end of the video she runs away from the whole situation, giggling. All that lust, touching, nudity and playfulness and she just runs away giggling. She couldn't have been serious. 

"I wanna know you // Not like that // I don't wanna be your mother // I don't wanna be your sister either // I just wanna be your lover // I wanna have your baby"

And that is what really summarizes everything. You can know someone as a mother or a sister but that's not what she wants. She wants to be a lover, to have a baby. What really differentiates a friend/familiar from a lover is the lack of lust from the former ones. True friendship are platonic: you want your friend so much that you wouldn't even dream of lusting. In other words, love is refined lust yet it's everything but. As stated above she goes away as if the whole thing had been a small game when just moments ago she was begging for reproducing. It all goes back to that basic instinct, doesn't it?

"Poor is the man // whose pleasures depend // On the permission of another"

Amen.

Newish Pages

I feel like writing more. So I've decided a theme for next week that I'll be talking about: the seven deadly sins. That means there'll be one for each day but you might have to forgive me from time to time if I didn't have the time to write.

The idea came to me from an anime series I've been watching and just finished, The Fullmetal Alchemist. It's a really good concept, very well made. The characters are deep, the plot is well thought of and the quality picture-wise is near perfect. Of course the thanks go mostly to the original manga since that's what it was originally. It was easier for me to get on hold of the episodes rather than the books.

The schedule will go like this: Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Sloth, Wrath, Pride, Greed. It's the order in which the homunculi died, so I'll follow that (I had trouble with placing Greed on the list since there were two, so I played according to the later-born one and I'm not actually completely sure about Envy's and Sloth's death).
I just realized there's another series of Fullmetal Alchemist, so I'll have to make sure to get that in my hands as well. From what I read, it greatly differs with the one I've seen already so it won't be watching the same thing over again! I was lucky since Brotherhood (the other series will be referred as first anime) was basically exactly the same as the manga. The first anime is, if I remember correctly, the one from which I've seen bit. It'll be interesting if I happen to find the first anime and it'll mean I will have something to do on my free time!

Just one last word about Fullmetal Alchemist. Anime in general looks so childish so I'm making the assumption that other anime are just as meaningful as FMA. It's full of very precise advice about life and in all its fantasieness it somehow manages to picture the world as it is. It's sad, happy, scary, relieving and most of all gives hope. In other words, it makes you feel.

Different Life

A lot has happened after my last entry. As I didn't tell everything that had happened last months I didn't write I won't do it this time either. I'll focus on the most important.

Work. This summer I'll have two jobs: one at the cityhall and another at a kindof a shelter home for the mentally handicapped. I've already been at the former and it was amazing. I was calculating people's wages (adding a few zeroes here and there) and doing all kind of paperwork. I got really excited and I thought for a while it could be my profession. Then I remembered I'll never be anything and got over it. Now I'm at the shelter facility thing and it's been amazing as well. I have to bike 12,3km to get there, every day, and another 12,3km to get back home. It's truly tiring and I usually fall into a coma when I get home. Funny thing: the first day it was raining and I had to be in the rain for 30 mins. When I got there I was pretty pissed off so to say, since I didn't even know anything about the job. I had stressed about it the past months, since the guy who interviewed me told me he'd call me the next week and he never did. Nevertheless after a few hours of pouting I noticed how wonderful all the customers were and I fell in love with them immediately (after getting over a few stereotypical fears and doubts). They all have their personalities and it's just delightful to see them work together and socialize! It isn't that much different from what "normal" people do and they are not really different from us. They just perceive everything differently and have some handicaps. But the spirit remains the same. Today there was this cheerful moment after a singing performance. I won't get into details since I can't remember how much my contract binds me, perhaps I've already broken it! Please don't link this to my employer.
I stopped by the city hall job today to pick up my taxcard. It was a happy time seeing all the coworkers again. Kinda made me wish I was still working there and they all said they'd have some work for me again! Copying my taxcard made me melancholic since me and the printer-machine had so many lovely moments.

Nothing special happens in my life since work takes all the time I have. Like I said, I usually just comatize myself when I get home. I've been playing Super Mario Bros Wii, used the cannon on the first level to get to the 5th, since I've played levels 1, 2 and 3 with my brothers. It's a really weird game, cause it's boring, annoying and frustrating, yet you still get some kind of joy from playing it. At one point I kept getting killed by the same frigging bomb but after 20 wasted lives I finally got through that level! It was a miraculous feeling. Perhaps that's the feeling people like playing to. Success after failure, feeling like they've grown, evolved.
Now that I start thinking about it, the goal of all games is to succeed in some way, but how it is achieved is completely different. If we compare Farmville (which I talked about last entry) and SMBW, we can see the difference. In FV it's about patience and investing time (and money). In the latter it's all about having patience, yes, but also about seeing yourself develop technically; you can beat harder worlds, get all the trickily places big coins and find all the secrets. In FV the active time spent doesn't really matter since the crop grows in a certain time; on Mario games you can play it all in just a matter of hours, if you're good at it, that is.

Most of you are more or less yawning after reading that. I also realized how little gamer friends I have. How many of you have even played Mario? Beat a whole game that you bought? If I'm wrong, it means I don't even know my friends. I dunno which one would be the better option.

A friend of mine, let's call her Bitch, in the future referred to as B, wanted me to talk about her. She's cool, she really is. One of those people who do what they want when they want without thinking what others think.
She's going for a trip that'll take a year. I know I'll miss her in some way, but at least we'll have Skype and Facebook to talk to each other. I promised to go visit her but I'll have to see how that works out since my future is pretty much not figured out. At all. I love her taste in music: whatever you think a B would listen to, she does. Britney, Gaga... I'm sure she listens to much more good music as well, those two just come to mind. She's been stressing out recently which isn't nothing like her. I've been kinda ignoring it, why, I have no idea. Maybe I'm just too tired to really think about anything seriously. I would just joke about it which wouldn't help at all! If and when she reads this I want her to know I do care I just don't have the time to think about it! Better? I'm sure everything will be alright. You know how American are about other people entering their sacred land.

On other friend news, one of them has gotten to study what she wanted! I was so glad to hear that. She's been studying something a bit different this year so it's good she gets to fulfill her dreams. She'll have to move to a city far far away from mine so I'll miss her. We'll be in much less contact then than now. Somehow we just didn't feel like seeing that often, even though it would've been easy. Busses are just too expensive and my time has always been limited to being a computernerd and an asshole. Nothing I can do about it.

Apparently I need to mention that I've already started to plan my birthday months ahead! But it's my eighteenth birthday. All my friends have been 18 for over a year already and I've missed out ALL the cool things that happen when they go to the bars and when they get to drive and how they get better jobs just cause they're 18.
So of course I'm excited, I won't deny it. And of course all the benefits will have an impact on my life. The party will be what you can expect from a adult party and we'll go raid the city. The place we'll raid is still under consideration and I don't think anyone will like my suggestion. That's why I won't even say it outloud. It's much easier for me to conform with any place since I don't have any experience whatsoever. It kinda annoys me that people complain about every bar I'd be interested in visiting, but oh well. I'll have to go alone someday, maybe I'll take someone with me that way, easier (duh). I hope all my friends will make it to the party! It'll be great (or an utter failure).

Okay, I love my friend, she's giving me terribly good topics. We were at the beach one day and there was this park-zumba thing, lead by a guy. It was so weird seeing from a distance how they all just jumped around and shook their asses (shake, shook, ??, why don't I know how to decline that word and why does it sound so weird?) to the latin music playing on the background. We were so far that I couldn't see them clearly and both of my friends were drooling over the instructor. I got curious, as my nature permits me to, and I was joking: "Let's go take a closer look at them!". When they were over my friends dared me to go ask the guy when the next park-zumba was going to be, alone! I almost went, but chickened out. It was unfair to ask me to go alone anyway. Nevertheless I ask my friend, actually, Miss B, and she agrees. We go and ask and the guy seems to be happy to receive some "new" customers. Too bad I ain't going there. I'm too busy. We had some laughs and giggles out of this weirdness.

Ahhhhhh I heard a weirdddd sound from the walls. I hope I get to publish this entry since I've put so much time into it and time is something I wouldn't want to waste. I think this weird dubstep music I'm listening to is making me nervous! Sounds and scary music isn't healthy. I hope I don't get one of my undercover heart attacks.

Looong blog. But one more thing I gotta say. Beyonce has made the worst record ever. I haven't liked a single song on it which is really bad. I'll have to give it a listen and then make up my mind, which seat can I take.... ERM.... whether I like it or not. What I can say is that Who Run the World (Girls) could almost compare to a Finnish rap "artist" couple that have a really stupid song about weddings. But I won't, since it's not that bad, I'm sorry if there are any fans reading and they made the connection.

Today's video will be a song I had forgotten about. Just gave me the chills. The chorus is been rapes so many times yet it still can't take away the brilliantness of some kind.

Harassment and Government Hookers

It's been a while once again and I'm writing both, for myself and under pressure. How's that possible, well I have no idea. My life's weird without having to think why it's weird.
I have some subjects to talk to you about, but most likely I'll end up telling random thing at random times. Let's start with fun.

Lady Gaga's new album Born This Way was released on Monday. I got to listen to a few days earlier though, since Spotify was cooperating with Gaga and premium/unlimited users. There have been four singles so far: Born This Way, Judas, Edge of Glory and Hair. The first three have had a weird impact on me: first I haven't quite gotten into them, but then on the second listen they just hit it! Hair was a bit different since it was a promo song and I had been waiting for it the whole day. So when I finally got my hands on it my world exploded. It was a nice new experience, it was.
The album is pretty great if I shall say. I love how it's completely different from her other two and completely different (in my own biased opinion, of course) from every other album out there. A lot of the songs have a dark and sad style, but there are exception. In its brilliantness it combines all kind of musical style, it has some heavier songs as well as songs that could be played in the radio. My favorite right now is Bloody Mary. The lyrics are amazing as is the melody. It starts dark and mysterious and evolves into a brighter sound at the chorus. Some people have said the chorus is too light or too vapid but it's better said a contrast and I like it. The song doesn't have a climax since it is that the whole 4:05 minutes (I love the screams and the dum da da da). Another songs worth mentioning are Highway Unicorn (Road to Love) and Government Hooker.
Guess that's enough of this since not many people enjoys this kind of talk.

Next, I'd like to talk about how weirdly relationships work. There's been this person that's hurt me in a really bad way and I ended up doing them a big favor. I asked myself at various points why I was doing it. I got no real answer from it; I wasn't getting anything out of it (except a cake, maybe I'm covetous), it wasn't anything I enjoyed doing. Could be that I'm just too easy and I don't know how to say no. I can be really stubborn at time but I'm most likely the easiest person to convince.
On the note, I've also noticed how easy it is to betray. The more you defend or root for someone, more likely that person's gonna turn their back on you. I don't know if it's the law of Murphy or the law of Entropy but it's been verified a few times. In relationships what seems to work is mutual ignoring of the other while still managing to interact frequently. If it had to be put as a formula it would go like this:

In which R= relationship, t=time, s=distance and i=interest

So basically the more interested you are and the lesser the distance, the bigger the relationship. With time it gets tricky though. It acts as a negative positive factor lineally but as a negative exponentially. That means you must spend just enough time or else it'll be either too little or too much. 

Continuing with relationships we'll enter school-world (when we've just gotten out of it!). I was at my brother's school conclusion and it was pretty sad to watch, in a good way. They're moving from preschool to school now and they've had the same ladies looking over them. They had made a video of the kids with a song about "how it's time to say goodbye" and "we thank you" and most of the parents had their eyes teary as had the caretakers. That made me think of how hard it must be for the teachers in elementary school to let the children they've taught for 6 years go. It also made me think of how teachers might spend more time with the children than their own parents! It also made me think of how respected teachers should be, they give most of their life to educate our children with an average pay. They most likely aren't doing it for the money unless they get a lot more than I know about.

Guess those were the things I wanted to mention. There's a lot going on right now since we're graduating and stuff, so I guess I don't want to go through all the trouble to tell you bout it since most of you (those two people reading this blog) know already. I'm trying to help washing some windows and moving an effing fridge while writing this entry so that alone gives clues that I should stop. I tried writing yesterday night but suddenly everyone started talking to me. I had, without exaggerating, ten people talking to me at the same time, half to which I hadn't spoken in a while.

Oh. One more thing. FarmVille. It's ridiculously addicting. I had stopped playing like a year ago and now I'm back. For God's sake could there be any more hookingly ridiculous game? I mean, you sow, plant and harvest stuff, milk cows and travel to your English farm. If I only had the motivation to work as much on real life stuff as I work on my farm. Sigh. So if you play FarmVille, be sure to send me some construction materials!

Ugh I feel toxicated from that window-washing substance. It smells so strong and so bad that I'll have a poisoning by the end of the day!

How beautifully the birds are singing, they sound so clear inside with just one door open. It'll be summer soon and this time I think I'm well prepared. Whatever that might mean to you. 

Have a good rest of the day and I'll see if I can find you a nice music video. Yes, I did. Somehow this blog seems too serious, perhaps it is because I don't like using smileys in written text (something school has taught me, I guess). But really, this is how I feel.

Oh, I completely forgot my title! It makes no sense for anyone, but that's what I feel I'm doing for change. I'm just harassing innocent people just cause I want to be friendly. Guess that never changes. I'm talking about the first part, obviously, I haven't sold myself to the government (yet).

Loving the bad body double

Today, I've watched Fringe.
It's a series about a team investigating weird crimes that have to do with a branch of science called Fringe science, or pseudoscience.
The plot's evolved through the three seasons, but basically there's an alternative universe that has everything this world has, except everything is different. For example I could have been dead or I could have a thousand subscribers to my blog!
A sad story happened and it's got me singing the blues. The protagonist (Anna Torv) was captured and her double sent to our universe. That bad woman had a relationship with the guy (Joshua Jackson). After complicated twists, everything turned alright and everyone into their place. However, Peter had a relationship with Anti-Olivia and Anti-Olivia is now pregnant! Dear God how I almost cried.
I've thought about Peter's situation. Of course he thought it was real Olivia, but it wasn't. He became intimate with Anti-Olivia and the feelings he thought he had for Olivia are really for Anti-Olivia. Could I love someone who I love when it wasn't really that person? Even if they looked the same, would it be the impostor I really loved in the end? What about if that impostor was pregnant? Could I ever forgive her? Obviously Anti-Olivia also grew close to Peter, so basically she fell in love while in mission (cliche).
Talking about complicated relationships, huh? This episode a woman had a special connection with the other universe's version of her husband. Their longing for each other (in both universes their partners had died due to an explosion, just not the same. This means the woman lost her husband and in the parallel universe the man lost his wife) created a soft spot between the universes almost collapsing them!
Imagine, such a strong feeling, such a strong love for one another almost made the world go whaahoo! They were both grieving in the same spot in different locations, far far away. I can't remember the name of the theory (/me checks it). Aha! Quantum entanglement (for further reference). It's such a wonderful story and when the woman realized her man had really died, it was time to let the river flow. How terrible it would be to have your loved one back just to realize it wasn't real?

Wow. That was long and worthless, if you read through that, please leave me a comment letting me know you did, kay?

Other than Fringe my day's been pretty physics-based. We had a physics recap in the morning and when I could've left for home I decided to spend a few hours with my friends! Lovely time.
One was worried about her dentist appointment (which got cancelled, hurray!) and the rest had to stay for their recaps. I continued physics at Granny's and took a 15 min nap before I got picked up. Fun fun.

Also, I have downhill skies now! I hope we will go some day (next week's Thursday-Saturday) to try them out.
It was so much fun last time we were there, even tho I couldn't figure out how to brake! And even then I downhill'd the biggest slopes! Aren't I crazy????
But indeed, I'll have fun with my little brother skiing if we get to go. I think he's already better than me doing that. I only fell once, he fell a few times, but take in count the age difference...

Now I'm hungry and I'll go to eat the fridge. Or something inside it.
Let's have fun and be nice!

Enjoy this beautiful piece of art.

Epiphany

We say goodbye in the pouring rain!

Just kidding, that was yesterday, today's today.
I really enjoyed writing the blog last time, even though it felt really personal. I hope you didn't open Pandora's box.
Nevertheless I got at least one good comment on it, and I guess I should be happy that someone enjoyed my pain. Let's move on.

A lot of things have happened to me since last time. School is over, we only have our matriculation examinations left. This means I'm busy (pretending to be) studying! So if I don't write every day, it means I'm doing something else reading my schoolbooks!
I've drank more than I have in my whole life. Well, I guess that's good, since if I had drunk more younger, I'd be in the gutters. That's not a good thing, but it has made my life a bit more fun. Some of you might hate me for that, but what can you do. That's what you get from having too old friends.
Nothing else has changed dramatically. I'm still more or less the same annoying person I've always been. Perhaps just a little bit more pestiferous.

I've been going to the doctor and there's nothing more annoying to having to fake a smile at the end saying that yeah, they've helped.
They didn't! They just told me something everyone has told me. None of them believe me and that's why I won't even try. They'll just be like, "Ahh, but that's just a children's disease. Only 0,00001% of the adults have it." Also, more experiments on me! At least we're going to get real results whether or not it was this and that, or whether we were looking completely to the wrong direction.

Related to doctors, I'm sick. I'm coughing and I've tried to take it easy the past few days. Taking it easy means going through my earliest math course books! Easy indeed. Finishing reading vectors today, I start feeling hopeful, since I mostly understood everything. I'll have to do some actual calculating later to be sure of it. Being sick sucks, since I haven't been to the gym since ... Saturday. I feel my muscles atrophying and my weight going up! I like to think that when you're sick you don't gain weight since you use all the energy you get to fight the disease. I also like to think that studying keeps you fit! So double. Ha. I don't even need the gym.

Spotify FTW. I mean it's so handy! You can just choose any song you want to listen. Make a perfect playlist and then change it for another. You just have to listen to some really short and unnoticeable advertisements every now and then.
Thank God for Spotify (TGFS).

I think I'll leave it there. So much I could write about but I feel like this is just ... plain diary-like. I wouldn't care reading this and neither do you!
See you laters and remember I love you!

PS. Don't forget to vote and look at the new statistic thing. It's pwetty.

Deep insight

My whole life waiting for the right time.

Yes, indeed. How true can that be? It seems that for me there will be no right time, since it's already thrown to waste. My mistake, to be honest, misjudgment of character, wrong impression of person...

To tell you how I feel

What do I feel? I have no idea. Hate? Obsession? Interest? The L-word? No idea. We don't know each other, not anymore.

It would be really weird, awkward, to talk about it.

Know I try to tell you that I need you

Hmmm. Do I try to? I know I like to think I try, and for a few times I really have. Everything has been ready a pair of times, but it just didn't seem like the right time. I could ruin your day with this. It's not just about me, y'know.

Here I am without you

Needless to say. I must be doing something wrong. Or this just never meant to happen.

I feel so lost but what can I do?

Yes, tell me. Tell you? You know, you do. Why haven't you done anything, why should I? It seems it's only me. I've bothered enough, but perhaps I just need to give it the final push. Get it over with.

'Cause I know this love feels real

There we go. Love. Whatever it is, surely it would have to be mutual. I heard sometime, that it's a crush if you don't know the person. It's a crush if it's been short, it's a crush if it's one-sided. So what in earth would it make it love? Too many definitions, too many different truths.

What I do know is that I failed, in looking for it and in getting to know it.

But I don't know how to feel

Come undone or stay put? Move forwards or look back in time? Try to rebuild what's already been lost? Merely try to get one glimpse, when I know you'll want a glimpse back, too?

Is it hard to decide? If it's for you like it is for me, I guess I could understand you. It must be even harder. Not everyday should you find things like that out. Specially from someone you thought was your friend. At least that's what I thought we were.

---

For those of you who read this and have no idea what I'm talking of... good for you!

Much better, my head is a messy place, you wouldn't want to know about it.

For those of you who think they know what this is about... fuck you. You were never supposed to know about, and you definitely should just.

And finally, for those who know what this is about... I'm sorry! I truly am. Why did it end up this way, I have no idea.

You'll have to blame the one person who pointed that song out for me.

Perhaps I'll write something more ... rational tomorrow.

This was just on a whim.